Ten tips for navigating the transition to secondary school

Underpinned by key cognitive, emotional, and social changes, it’s a pivotal moment that can be both exciting and challenging for the entire family. Here are ten practical strategies based on the psychology of change to help you and your child navigate this important milestone:

1.      Acknowledge emotions

It's normal for both parents and children to experience a mix of emotions about this change. You might feel proud, anxious, or even a bit sad. Your child may be excited, nervous, or overwhelmed. Emotions often indicate something matters to us. Recognise and validate these feelings in yourself and your child and ask: “what’s brought this emotion for me / you today?”

This transition provides many opportunities to develop emotional intelligence. Encouraging children to recognise, understand, and manage their emotions can have long-lasting benefits.

2.      Open communication

Create a safe space for your child to express their thoughts and concerns. Listen actively without judgment and share your own experiences if appropriate. Keep in mind that sometimes they just want to be heard. Regular check-ins can help you stay connected during this period of change.

3.      Encourage independence

Secondary school often requires more self-reliance from students. To navigate this, children need to feel they have a safe haven to return to after a day of exploring their new environment. Balancing support while promoting independence is key. This helps to build a sense of self-efficacy through gradual exposure to new challenges, which can boost self-belief and motivation.

Start to steadily increase your child's responsibilities at home to build confidence and life skills. This might include managing their own schedule, preparing their uniform or packing their school bag. If they’ll be travelling unaccompanied to school, do some dry runs so they’re familiar with the route.

4.      Maintain routines

Establish consistent routines for mornings, after-school, and bedtime. Structure can provide a sense of security amidst change and help your child adjust to new academic demands. Include simple rituals that are meaningful to you as a family, like eating dinner together on Mondays, listening to music in the car or taking an end-of week walk together.

5.      Promote organisation skills

The increased demands of secondary school coincide with ongoing development of executive functions like planning, organising, and impulse control. Strategies to support these skills are particularly timely and beneficial. Help your child develop systems for keeping track of assignments, extracurricular activities, and belongings. This might involve using a planner, setting phone reminders, or creating a dedicated study space at home. Talk to them about choice and how they make decisions. Remember, what works for you may not work for your child so explore different time and life management techniques together.

6.      Address social concerns

Secondary school is a crucial period for identity development. What’s more, with developing social cognition, children become more aware of peer perceptions and social hierarchies. This can increase concerns about making friends and fitting in, but also offers opportunities for developing more complex social skills and empathy. Encouraging exploration of various interests and activities can support healthy identity formation and help to alleviate social anxiety. Consider arranging meetups with other children joining or already attending the school if possible. It can really help to see some familiar faces on the first day.

7.      Prepare for increased autonomy

The transition to secondary school often coincides with significant cognitive changes as children enter early adolescence. Their ability for abstract thinking and complex problem-solving is developing. This can lead to more sophisticated discussions about school and life, but also to increased questioning of rules and authority. Discuss your expectations for behaviour, communication, and decision-making. Establish clear guidelines and boundaries aligned to what’s important to you all as a family, whilst allowing room for growth and independence. Agreeing these parameters together signals trust and mutual respect.

8.      Manage your own anxiety

Your child will pick up on your emotional cues. Teaching and modelling healthy stress management techniques is crucial. Practice self-care and seek support from other parents or professionals if you're feeling overwhelmed. Allow yourself time and space to process the mental load of change. Remember, there’s no perfect way to manage the transition and it's okay to not have all the answers. You’re on this learning journey too.  

9.      Celebrate the milestone

Acknowledge this important step in your child's life. Consider a special family outing or small gift to mark the occasion and build positive associations with the transition. Make sure that you recognise this milestone in your parenting journey too with a reward that’s meaningful to you. 

Continue to foster a growth mindset during this transition. Emphasising effort, learning from mistakes, and viewing challenges as opportunities for growth can help children build resilience and adapt to increased academic and social demands.

10.      Stay involved

While your role may change, your involvement remains crucial. Show continued interest in your child’s new experiences and challenges. Pencil in key diary dates such as school events and parents’ evenings. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t make every school play or coffee morning. Be present when you can and talk openly and honestly with your child when this isn’t possible.

Remember, every child and family are unique. These strategies can be adapted to suit your specific circumstances. The key is to approach this transition with patience, understanding, and open communication. With the right support, starting secondary school can be a positive experience that fosters growth and resilience in your child… and you.

Jayne Ruff – Chartered Occupational Psychologist & Founder of Parenting Point.

Parenting Point exists to give everyone the self-belief that they can flourish as a parent and a professional by positively aligning both worlds. We help parents find their meaningful and fulfilling work-life balance through practical, psychology-based workshops and coaching. We work with organisations to create positive and inclusive performance cultures that support and encourage the growth of working parents.